In the end...

My home constantly looks like a dumping place for old newspapers. I keep on fighting the urge to pick them all up and dumping them in the closest skip. I collect them from family and friends, or I pick them up in driveways.

I fool myself into believing that I will read every single article on every single page eventually. Sometimes I sit into the wee hours of the morning devouring them… looking for clues… looking for the answers… looking for the “it” factor.

Those articles, I believe, might lead me to greater enlightenment, I cut out and paste into my “Cage Research” book with all the other phrases, thoughts, ideas and triggers that have been a part of this scripts journey.

I don’t do this because I don’t know what to say… I do this because I hope that I will come across that one line expressing what it is that I am feeling when I have not found the words to articulate it…

Everything is there, but it feels like the centre is out of focus.

Then I go and see HA!Man last week… Francois le Roux, an incredible musician, composer and entertainer, who love and embrace art in himself. A dedicated artist, devouring life. Somewhere in between the brilliance of it all I hear the words “In the end there is nothing left that you could describe with words.”

I dug a little piece of paper out of my handbag and scribbled it down… I knew it was beautiful. The more I marinaded on it this week, the more I realized that I don’t have a clue what it means… and then I finally went into an uncontrollable panic, coming to all kinds of wild conclusions and assumptions of what I think it means and how lost I really am in my mission to “describe with words”.

The panic and the clueless ness remains. So does the pile of newspapers.

All that I am hoping for is that they will be creating the roots through which this play will be nourished.